before we begin, you might want to know (or maybe I just want you to know) that this is the oldest journal I have online and the early years were dessimated by servers bought out by big companies that deleted the entries without warning and the past year and a half are sporadic... still, while the other journals are more up to date right now, this journal goes deeper than all the others... and today is July 11, 2005 (though most of this entry was written on or before January 11, 2004) and I am here introducing you to this journal (again) more seriously than usual... thank you (more than words can say) for being interested (or at least curious) enough to try to find me in these words... all I am at this moment that you are reading these words is the sum of all I've been, so the time you spend here is a tangible sign of how much you care and want to know me, which gives me goose bumps... your feedback means more to me than you'll ever know (unless maybe you appear in my head or at least look deep into my eyes and can see me through the tears)... I will complete and continue this journal eventually... for now, we go on as it is...

the babble... though I write an entry almost every day in this journal and others somewhere online, most of these for this journal are unedited and most of the last year and a few months are unfinished and 'in the pipe' (partially uploaded or not uploaded), so some links will not work and you might get frustrated... if you care enough, or are curious enough, keep popping back to the index and you'll find links to the unfinished pages there... and for starters, you could follow the links that follow on this page and see where my mind might take you almost randomly (the key word there is almost, and you do know that everything is relative, right?) as of 5-17-03 (time, virtual or physical, is relative too, part of everything, ya know?... of course you do)...